


jab my way into your heart.

by crypticlights



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sexual Tension, Smut, artist!zhengting, bottom!zhengting, boxer!xukun, childhood bestfriends, idk how to tag, lower case intended, many characters to come i'm still thinking lmao, top!xukun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15388962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticlights/pseuds/crypticlights
Summary: as long as he makes thousands of people burst in happiness, he doesn’t give a fuck if he sacrifices his own.





	jab my way into your heart.

**Author's Note:**

> first i want to mention that i don't have much knowledge about boxing, most of the terms used are what i've searched about before so please tell me if i said anything wrong so that i can quickly edit it out or replace it. 
> 
> second if you're uncomfortable with fully lowercased fics then this is not the one for you.
> 
> lastly, about the twitter war, let's just pretend that boxers already have their fanbases because its 2018 and all that stuff. i might add some more later on so please stay tuned! ;)

 

clearing one's mind is proven a hard task, at least for cai xukun.

 

when you’re a famous boxer with a lot of rewarding names slung over your shoulders weighing you down, you have to come up to your senses and somehow see through all the bullshit. 

 

after his wins one after the other, belts and medals in a never ending line behind his back, at the tender age of twenty, his life’s already been planned out without him even realizing what’s going on. this wasn’t the life he wanted to lead on, even wanted to go as far as to actually drag down his boxing career at one point just to have more doors of opportunity to welcome him in. but he didn’t do anything, instead he let himself be a slave of the big nickname the society made him believe was his own doing. turning a blind eye on the red flags and shouts of retreat inside his mind.

 

his eyes are open though, to the money he receives after a successful fight, the chants he hears before, during and after the fight and the proud gazes directed at him by his family. he feels the burden, the ache, the distaste in what he’s doing, but as long as he makes thousands of people burst in happiness, he doesn’t give a fuck if he sacrifices his own.

  
  
  
  
  


on a not-so-fine sunday afternoon, he scrolls through his twitter with a sinking heart. just hearing the disappointment in the fans tweets ㅡ well not his fans, but his opponent’s fans since he won against his opponent during a fight a few days ago ㅡ and some tweets are even absurd that he can’t absorb every detail all in one go.

 

his opponent’s stage name is qin fen, an old acquaintance. they have always been on good terms but before the fight they already agreed that there were no feelings attached, a fight is a fight. no matter who wins, it was fair and it was not out of pity. he won, qin fen hugged him after the event and even drank at a bar together a few days after the fight ㅡ since qin fen’s wounds had to be aided ㅡ as a tiny celebration which indeed caused the media go into shambles although the two couldn’t care less honestly. a few times a fan of either of the two would ask to take a picture or ask for photographs but what they couldn’t possibly miss is the way any of each other’s fan looked at the other boxer. like how qin fen’s fan glares at xukun as she smiles sweetly towards qin fen or how a xukun fanboy almost punched qin fen square on the face just by sitting next to his ‘idol’ as he stated. after quickly paying for their shared drinks, they parted ways, throwing soft farewells into the night breeze, going into their individual cars hoping their managers won’t scold them for their little escapade.

 

he scrolls more, going through screenshotted headlines and fans’ unpopular opinions etcetera. he feels too disturbed at the fact that such people are living amongst them. such foul words can be thrown to a single human? he doesn’t even know that some of these words actually exists but he kind of feels insulted, not only for himself but also for qin fen that had done nothing wrong but be an open-minded and bubbly person that cheers everyone up, he clearly deserve better than this.

 

_ @qinfenomenal _

ugh, its so annoying how xukun just went up and beat the shit out of qin fen like wtf bro??? i  thought u were friends?????

  
  


_ @qin___fen _

that xukun guy is just too much of an asshole     you’ve already got tons of belts on your waist and have too much recognition,,, don’t others deserve it too?

 

ㅡ  _ @shookun:  _ xukun deserves everything and has done nothing but work hard to achieve everything that he is now excuse you bitch

 

ㅡ  _ @qin___fen: _ all im saying is that he shouldnt grab everything for himself, leave some for the rest that also deserves as much

 

ㅡ  _ @shookun:  _ if ur fave didnt win then its not xukuns fault so stop blaming him for everything

 

ㅡ  _ @qin___fen:  _ whatever sweetie, keep crying into those xukun towel merches you oh so adore

  
  


_ @kingxukun _

qin fen’s fans are so destructive and literally fucking stupid how does xukun even handle being friends with someone that is as equally as problematic as his fandom

  
  


_ @Q1NF3N_ _

these shady bitches cant even come up to me straight, talk highly of yourselves if your so-called “king” surpassed as much wins qin fen won over the past years and more to come in the future

 

ㅡ  _ @shoe_kunnn:  _ ur just bitter that xukun k.o’ed  qin fen at the very first round,    what a l e g e n d

ㅡ  _ @mistercai:  _ couldnt have said it better sis

 

ㅡ  _ @qinfentastic:  _ this is why michael jackson is failing at making the world a better place

  
  


_ @XUKUN0802 _

omg how big of a problem is the ending result of the fight between xukun and qin fen that they are trending in china at no. 3? wow the power of hatred and disbelief

  
  


_ @qinfenplusxukun _

to think that i’m a big fan of these two, i’M CONFLICTED

  
  
  
  
  


he sighs deeply, intently. he always thinks before he speaks, always thought everything so rationally (simply ignoring the little scene they ㅡ with qin fen ㅡ did, going to a bar after a fight resulting to them getting a lecture and a warning from their managers), he decides to actually do something about all of this, he’s had enough. he had several issues such as these but not to the extent that someone else is getting affected, it’s fine if it were only him that will endure all the criticism and hatred but seeing another person's name getting jeopardized by it? he won’t just stand there and twiddle with his thumbs, he’ll do something, and he’ll do it now. although small still he did something rather than sit around with his mouth open, nodding to whatever his manager would tell him to do.

 

he takes a deep breath, thumbs crossed over the keypad, then he clicks. continuously, quickly, as though he’s never seen such a device react that fast with his fingers, never been so eager to speak his mind. he hits, fingers crossed, he hopes that will be enough (even if he knows it never does.)

 

_ @caixukun _

Why can’t people just love and respect each other? We’ve both done our very best and that’s enough for us, we’re not on each other’s necks and we never will. A fight is a fight, either it’s a friend or someone you don’t know you HAVE to play fair.

  
  
  
  


he expected the outrage, the bashing, everything negative but instead, after a few minutes, qin fen replies with utmost support to his statement and he’s thankful. thankful for the kind words, thankful for the understanding. in this world where people talk so carelessly, he’s lucky enough to know someone as reliable as qin fen.

 

_ @caixukun _

Why can’t people just love and respect each other? We’ve both done our very best and that’s enough for us, we’re not on each other’s necks and we never will. A fight is a fight, either it’s a friend or someone you don’t know you HAVE to fight fair.

 

ㅡ  _ @qinfenofficial:  _ well said, hoping to get to know you better and get closer as friends! my support is yours all the way! good luck to the both of us!

 

ㅡ  _ @shookun:  _ right about that king we love uuuu

 

ㅡ  _ @cxking:  _ a friendship like theirs please :(

 

ㅡ  _ @_queenfen:  _ ugh, stop the war. the generals have spoken!

  
  
  
  


he feels the encouraging words bubble up inside him making him smile the slightest, he had done his part, it wasn’t enough but the situation feels lighter than it was before.

  
  
  
  


“cross! jab!” his trainer, xingjie exclaims. “one more time. cross, jab, jab, cross, hook!”

 

“what’s on your mind xukun?” xingjie questions, directing a worried gaze to his direction. xingjie barely shows much care about things but there are exceptions, especially his soft spot for xukun that he never fails to show. he had always been the others trainer from the very beginning, had always been by his side, chanting, screaming his name amongst the crowd. even with the aura he usually gives off to people, he is incredibly gentle with handling xukun, again, with the exception of their training sessions.

 

xukun snaps out of his daze, finally aware that he is  _ indeed _ training. he shakes his head a bit and throws xingjie a questioning look.

 

“don’t give me that look, i know you like the back of my hand and you’re too easy to read,” xingjie replies, all too confident, all too observant that xukun sometimes hates it.

 

“those are the cons of this relationship,” xukun frowns at him while xingjie snickers, “i can’t even hide the slightest thing from you ㅡ or as you’ve said, anyone for that matter,”

 

“i’m waiting for you to spill the tea, sis,”

 

“okay, first of all, don’t ever call me  _ sis _ again and second, how long have you been staying on twitter these days for you to know those terms?” xukun counter-attacks, obviously dodging the question.

 

“jesus christ xukun, just spill, is it that hard?” xingjie switches his face with something more frightening and xukun groans at him, annoyed.

 

“i just- i didn’t expect that people would talk badly after the last fight with qin fen,” xukun scratches the back of his neck, sweat dribbling and all he wants is to rip off his shirt and let his sweat-soaked skin to actually breathe. “i know, i know. people talk, it’s inevitable, unavoidable, but i’m more worried about qin fen. i’m used to people talking trash but when someone’s getting involved when they aren’t supposed to be in the first place is just… i can’t… i don’t like it, i despise it,”

 

xingjie sighs, “sit.” he orders firmly, lip in a tight line and xukun complies with a bit of hesitation because  _ why? and in the middle of the ring? just????? _

 

xingjie sits across from him, both of them doing the criss cross applesauce on the floor away from each other at arm’s length, xingjie looks at him straight in the eyes, “cai xukun. always been so selfless, always thought of others, always put others before himself. how you manage to do it? i don’t know, i’ve never been that warm-hearted before. but xukun, these things as you said are really unavoidable, it’s one of the bad things that comes with fame. even if you’re just a normal being ㅡ which you aren’t, you’re like an angel but with huge muscles and can beat the shit out of a person even if they’re twice as big as you ㅡ people will still, and always will talk. it’s always in the mentality kun, you have to work on what’s in here,” he taps xukun’s temple twice, “and not always in here,” he then taps xukun’s chest, right above his heart.

 

xukun nods, surely enough, he’s ready for his next fight.

  
  
  
  


it’s the night where he once again steps into the ring,  _ he can’t believe that he’s so in-demand these days _ . he chants in his head, two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back, two ste- “you better not fuck this up, kun!” yanchen, his manager yells at him while he thanks the heavens that nobody else is around to see him getting scolded at like a child.

 

he whines throatily while rolling his eyes, “what the fuck did i even fuck up anyway?”

 

“the whole shit with qin fen during your last fight, i don’t want to see another headline about your opponents or about your careless, thoughtless tweets about the issue!” yanchen’s says with gritted teeth and gaze focused solely on xukun and the other diverts his eyes somewhere else.

 

“ _ careless? thoughtless? _ you know me well enough to know that i think extensively before i do something, yanchen!” xukun fires back and grits his teeth as well, eyebrows furrowed.

 

“oh yeah? what about that little getaway you both did huh? isn’t that you being careless, reckless, not thinking things through enough?”

 

xukun sighs and looks back with pleading eyes, “can we please just stop? things won’t get any better if we keep shouting at each other from the top of our lungs, this won’t do us any good. i have a fight to prepare for, the least i expected from you is to cheer me on, not to fill me up with doubts,”

 

yanchen bites harshly on his lower lip and pinches his nose bridge before exhaling loudly and hugs xukun, “ _ god,  _ if i didn’t care about you this much i would’ve resigned years ago but you prove time and time how much deserving you are to be in where you are now,” yanchen pats his back before making space so he can look straight at the other’s eyes, “good luck in there, don’t let me down, champ!”

 

“when did i ever?” xukun replies smugly even with his heartbeat racing as a speaker announces that he should be out and ready in a few minutes, a final fist bump and they both walk out.

  
  
  
  
  


the boxer’s stage name is  _ jeffrey,  _ strong jaw, body’s in very good shape and from what xukun have heard, carries hard boiled eggs everywhere.

 

like  _ seriously _ , his supporters even calls him ‘eggfrey’ that xukun can’t help but find it too humorous, trying his best to stay calm when this news was told to him.

 

the guy’s build was no joke, he highly doubts he’d be an easy opponent with all the rumors of how good he fights in the ring and how smart his strategies were.

 

the fight took longer than his usual, jeffrey was quick, always fast enough to catch himself when he almost stumbles to the ground with xukun’s blow. his defenses are good and his attacks are well thought out.

 

but that doesn’t mean xukun doesn’t have anything up his sleeve, he of course, had always been a keen observer, as jeffrey takes his time to deliver blow after blow to xukun’s jaw to his sides, he observes the way jeffrey covers his face, the time he takes to deliver a punch and how he bounces at the balls of his feet. he studies the tiniest of details and before he knows it, it was already the last round of the match. if he aims to win this, then he might as well put what he has observed into good use.

 

“you okay there champ?” yanchen asks him as he lightly taps xukun’s cheek.

 

“yup, still ready to slay,” he flashes a grin at yanchen and xingjie as well as the other people who take care of him. xingjie puts back his mouth piece and he pounds his gloved fists together.

 

by the end of the match, xukun won with the judges’ unanimous decision. xukun comes up to jeffrey, a side of jeffrey’s eye exploded and he had a busted lip but he wasn’t that badly injured whilst xukun only got a bruise on his left shoulder.

 

“thank you for an amazing fight man, you were great!” xukun greeted and jeffrey held out a hand to xukun and they did a bro hug while the crowd cheered at their professionalism.

 

“you were great too, kun. i’ve always idolized you!” jeffrey replies with a genuine smile that made xukun grin back and hug him one last time before they were both called individually for their interviews.

 

the team, together with xukun celebrated at a familiar restaurant they all mutually loved to go to. they laughed, congratulated xukun multiple times and made a speech about how hardworking everyone are and hoping for more winning matches.

 

xukun was all too silent, observing the seen once again but now with a smile grazing his lips, features bright and very open to let people see that he was contented with this. even if this wasn’t what he wanted in the first place, these people made him want this more.

 

xiao gui, one of his trainers together with xingjie although xingjie is the main that coaches him, pats him on the back, comforting him as he dismisses anymore thought from his mind and smiles as wide as xiao gui’s offered ones.

  
  
  
  


“you  _ what? _ ” yanchen screeches, almost dropping his phone.

 

“i just need a few weeks, c’mon, i won’t be that long!” xukun swears, “i’ll be training nonstop once i get back,”

 

“xingjie! xiao gui! come here for a sec,” the two goes straight to yanchen but not before eyeing xukun obviously showing him how stupid his request was.

 

it wasn’t that stupid per se, he only asked if he could go back to los angeles for a few weeks to clear up his mind from the thoughts that had been bugging for a few days now and maybe perhaps visit his grandma he hasn’t seen physically in years. but also wants to fly there alone and to not tell anyone that he’ll be leaving for a while so that media wouldn’t not-so subtly follow him around when he’s supposed to be relaxing his mind.

 

he quietly waits, away from them for a few meters so he can hardly register the words that they were harshly throwing against each other, from the way he sees it, the majority of it were curse words.

 

yanchen sighs in defeat, “okay fine-” xukun almost interrupts with a victory shout and a fist pump when yanchen disrupts him, “but on one condition. don’t make any rumors, don’t start an issue, if people recognized you be polite and not scare them away with your bullshit excuses and just don’t do anything that will destroy your years long built up reputation, is that clear?” 

 

xukun nods and squeals inside while he hugs the three of them and promises solely to not make the situation much worse than what happened beforehand.

  
  
  
  


he arrives in los angeles completely covered and his hair styled differently. a bit parted in the middle and even went as far as dying it black with a little brown streaks here and there just enough to even admit to himself that he’s gorgeous. he tries his best to draw as less attention as he could but his outfit proved this task to be difficult because who the fuck wears something that would make you look like you’re a million dollar prize that grew a pair of legs with five limos waiting to pick you up outside of the airport.

 

xukun is really, a  _ fucking  _ idiot and he doesn’t have a single bullshit excuse for this.

 

he arrived already too late at night and from his knowledge, the last schedule of the train ride is literally  _ right. now _ . 

 

so he practically jumps out of the cab he rode to get to the train from the airport, paying the driver with whatever he first picked up on his pocket, it may have been  _ too _ high because the driver’s face when he said ‘keep the change’ was honestly priceless.

 

he pulls his hat further down his face and his face mask tighter as he enters. 

 

thankfully enough, there are only a few people now as he predicted so he easily got inside a train and slumped down on one of the seats.

 

he looks around realizing that he was the only one there except for a guy opposite him that looked like he was too busy on his sketch pad to even notice his existence.

 

he rethinks before he sighs and finally takes off his mask and cap and puts on his lap before he fished his phone out of his coat and scrolls through his applications, tapping on a game and enjoys the chosen game on the screen silently.

 

after a few more taps what he didn’t expect was a loud gasp emitting from the guy in front of him with a sketchpad and pencil falling to the ground with a loud pang. the guy opposite him looks at him with wide eyes, index finger pointing at him, “y-you’re-”

  
  
  


_ “the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round,” they both chant to each other with grins equally as wide as the other. the playground’s merry-go-round was quite big for the both of them but none of them cared as they joyfully sang the nursery rhyme together. _

 

_ “hey stop! i’m getting dizzy!” the older boy squeals at the younger and the younger abruptly stops the ride from going any further. _

 

_ the older goes down and runs away, “catch me if you can, shorty!” he teases and the younger frowns before he chases after him. _

 

_ the older laughs mischievously before hiding around the big trees surrounding the playground when the younger’s too busy looking for him inside and behind the bushes. _

 

_ the older boy chants ‘he won’t catch me’ repeatedly inside his head as the younger looks further away from the spot he’s hiding. _

 

_ the younger kid had always been his playmate, always made him laugh and agrees to everything he says without a word of complaint. the younger had always been there for him, even though he was the older one the younger protected him despite the height difference, even when he gets multiple bruises from protecting the older from people who insult him, the only thing the younger would say is, “if it makes him smile then i’m okay getting hurt,” which would never fail to make the older’s heart flutter. _

 

_ “aha, there you are, found you-” _

 

“zhengzheng!” xukun shrieks as he also points at the man opposite him that is actually his childhood best friend here in los angeles.

 

the other looks at him weirdly, “that’s zhengting to you sir! how do you even know that nickname? and i was supposed to say-”

 

“it’s me!” xukun approaches, hands coming up to his chest like he’s offended that zhengting doesn’t even remember him

 

zhengting looks at him again with expressions unreadable, “yes i know who you are, you’re the famous boxer, almost everyone knows you- oh wait, holy shit! did i perhaps offend you fuck, please don’t get the media to beat the shit out of me, i know you’re famous and all and i didn’t mean to speak so harshly-”

 

xukun groans loudly and face palms, “zhengzheng jesus christ it’s me kunkun!”

 

zhengting’s eyes widened, realization dawned on him and he covers his mouth when he gasps once more, “kunkun? my kunkun? i mean not my kunkun but my best friend kunkun?  _ that _ kunkun? you’re kunkun?”

 

xukun is suddenly overwhelmed with all the questions thrown at him, “for all of those, my answer is yes,”

 

“prove it,”

 

xukun feels offended, “what do you mean by-”

 

“what’s my first ever teddy bear’s name?” zhengting suddenly throws and he scrambles to answer.

 

“kunting, you added our names together because you thought it was cute,” xukun replied proudly, zhengting doesn’t know how much muscle memory he used to come up with that long explanation.

 

zhengting flushed and stutters, “u-uhm, how about my favorite animal?”

 

“all of them as long as they’re breathing, you love them,”

 

“what was the name of the playground we used to play at?”

 

“sunnyville playground, two blocks away from my house and yours since we’re neighbors,”

 

“you’re good,” zhengting compliments and xukun wants to smack him hard across the forehead.

 

“i’m good because it is me! i even made that nickname i just called you! and you were the first one to ever call me kunkun! zheng what more do i have to prove!” xukun is frustrated to say the least, something inside zhengting snaps and he looks away in embarrassment.

 

“i can’t believe my best friend became a famous boxer, wow!” zhengting says under his breath but with the silence that accompanied them, xukun was sure to hear it.

 

“i can’t believe my best friend grew to be an exceptional artist either,” xukun replies back without a bite.

 

zhengting looks up at him with wide eyes once again, “how do you even know that i draw?”

 

xukun points at the forgotten sketch pad on the floor of the train and zhengting looks like he wants to pass out from the multiple embarrassment he’s went through. he picks up the pencil and sketch pad from the floor while also avoiding eye contact from xukun.

 

“since we’re… already here anyway, do you have a place to stay or are you going to grandma cai’s house?”

 

xukun realized the fact that he’s basically homeless and don’t have any idea if there were nearby hotels in this area so he shakes his head and looks at zhengting, “nope, as far as i know i have none and grandma’s house is too far and i’m too tired to go there,” he also contemplates how the fuck did he board this train without knowing where to go.

 

zhengting plays with his thumbs and with hesitation clear in his voice he offers, “you want to crash at my apartment for the meantime?”

 

xukun had never been more thankful for arriving late and riding the last train schedule.

  
  
  
  


the sun rays stream through his window curtains providing him with a soft glow he really  _ didn’t  _ need at the moment.

 

working ten hours straight that supposedly wasn’t his shift at mcdonald’s totally pissed zhengting off but he had no choice but to comply when almost half of the staff was missing in action and went to god knows where without even a single warning.

 

he groans, remembering what had happened last night as he rubs his eyes, rubbing the sleep off of him and sits up.

 

he missed his childhood friend, he missed kunkun. the burst of emotions overwhelmed him and his heart beat’s pace quickened that he needed to clutch his chest from the shock.

 

once he remembers the younger’s face when they looked at each other after being away from each other for years, he feels the familiar warmth that always accompanied him whenever he was with xukun when they were still kids. somehow, knowing that he has finally found his long lost best friend once again seemed too surreal that he wants someone to pinch him or slap him just to check that all of this wasn’t just a part of some stupid illusion or he was just having hallucinations.

 

xukun, fascinating, very thoughtful. zhengting never knew he could miss someone this much. he went away from home to feel some sense of independence, yes he missed his family but nothing could compare to how much he’s longed for the presence of his best friend that he thought he would never get the chance to see again.

 

a wide grin spreads on his lips and he holds up a hand to touch it because he couldn’t believe that even thinking about xukun would make his mood immediately lighten, like finishing a five hundred piece puzzle, that kind of happiness.

 

and xukun, xukun was the missing puzzle piece zhengting thought he lost, kicked under his bed and vacuumed without noticing but somehow pops out of nowhere and he’s now completely satisfied.

 

xukun’s a fire that dimmed only to find it’s spark once again and ignited zhengting as well, xukun was the sun that brought light to zhengting’s moon.

 

always have, always will.

 

but,

 

why did he leave? zhengting questioned this to himself countless of times. and without a single word? that confused zhengting a lot.

 

questions buzz their way into zhengting’s way although interrupted by the scent of eggs and hotdogs.

 

he sniffs and proceeded to walk lightly out of his room first checking across the hall, where xukun’s supposed to be, inside his room but he’s not there so he checks the kitchen.

 

as stealthily as he could, he goes to the kitchen and his suspicion was right.

 

_ xukun  _ is  _ cooking _ breakfast, and it  _ smells nice _ .

 

as he looked at the boxer swiftly swishing the pan and dribbled some oil to cook something zhengting couldn’t exactly decipher with the younger’s back turned to him, all too busy with preparing food for the both of them, zhengting suddenly remembers a younger, tinier version of xukun that’s standing on a chair just to reach the stove of her mom’s kitchen. he couldn’t cook well back then, would try to cook something but it will end up burnt or looked like it didn’t even touch the pan before xukun put it on the plate but younger zhengting would eat it regardless, enough that xukun worked hard to cook him something. no matter how badly seasoned it was, young zhengting would eat it with the biggest smile he can muster.

 

a single tear slipped and he quickly swiped it off and without further warning, he runs up to hug xukun from behind. thoughts blank and feet leading him to xukun, his arms felt so natural around the younger’s waist.

 

xukun tenses up and for a split second, zhengting thought it was a bad idea.

 

instead of zhengting pulling away, xukun covered the pan and held zhengting’s shaking hands with his warm ones, squeezing them a little for comfort.

 

“i just- i can’t believe you’re here. standing in front of me with that idiot looking smile that only you could look cute in and bonus: you’re cooking! like actual food! holy fucking shit what did i even do in my past life to be able to witness these events all at once,” zhengting says all in one breath that xukun’s kind of worried, the older unconsciously tightens his grip on xukun’s midriff, feelings he felt intact suddenly exploding from his chest by having xukun in such a close proximity.

 

xukun pulls off him but only to twist around and look zhengting in the eye with expressions of comfort and warmth, he reaches for zhengting’s cheeks that seemed to glow with the sun’s rays hitting just right, rough palms holding zhengting’s head in place just so he can kiss him softly on the forehead. “i’m here and for real, zheng.”

 

zhengting wants to cry, or get mad or both but he chose neither but to clutch on xukun’s waist and pull him closer to settle his head on the younger’s chest.  _ that forehead kiss _ , zhengting remembers how the young xukun would always do that whenever he whines about his head hurting or when he had a bruise, he would always smooch the part that hurts, stupid but effective.

 

the best part? xukun remembers it as well, all too well honestly. like they never parted ways, like they have always been by each others’ side, like xukun never really left him. the feeling familiar but all too strong that zhengting’s amazed with how much xukun can affect him. 

 

zhengting whispers on his chest, almost feathery, almost too soft that xukun  _ almost  _ didn’t catch it, but he was glad his ears were too determined to hear what zhengting has to say, “don’t leave me again, please,” pleading, xukun was flabbergasted that it left him breathless, someone pleading to him had always been his weakness.

 

he winds his arms around zhengting, holding him too tight, too strong, too perfectly right that he feels their heart simultaneously beat  _ too _ fast that it feels like it’s aching.

 

as he held zhengting in his arms, zhengting moving his head to rest on xukun’s shoulder, the boxer suddenly forgets why he’s here in the first place.

  
  
  
  


“oh my god, i still remember how crappy you were with anything you cook back then,” zhengting gushes with lips so soft and smile so wide that xukun feels like someone replaced the sun’s job.

 

xukun’s ears flushed and he quickly replies, “yeah yeah whatever! you weren’t that good either anyway. a-and i improved a lot!”

 

zhengting chuckles under his breath as he mindlessly plays with xukun’s long, calloused fingers, pinching it and just silently admiring how much they’ve changed over the years, “true that, i would’ve disagreed but i know to myself that i even got seconds and thirds so what’s the point?”

 

xukun smiles with white teeth exposed to zhengting and zhengting loves his smile a little bit too much it almost confused him. pregnant silence accompanied them while xukun dragged his eyes over the whole room and other parts of the apartment he’s able to see whilst sitting at the kitchen island with messy plates and only a few more bits of rice scattered along the utensils.

 

he smiles, contentment, and he wants to pat his back for being brave enough to intertwine his hand with zhengting’s that’s being played by the older just a few seconds ago. he intertwines, every fiber, every vein, collapsing into one another to create a beautiful mess of hands and bones, of nails and skin but zhengting doesn’t mind so xukun brought zhengting’s hand up to kiss his soft knuckles, very in contrast with his rough and bruised up ones and zhengting’s movement only stutter for a second, eyes too focused on the gesture that he almost missed the way xukun reassured him with words, “i’m here now, zhengzheng.”

  
  
  
  


“i haven’t mentioned but i finished college quickly, tried to finish my course too early because it got boring. so now i work certain times at mcdonald’s with a huge amount of savings and sometimes join small art exhibits,” zhengting informs him like it’s national news and xukun listens as attentively as they sit on the couch, legs tangled so carelessly they can’t even decipher which is whose.

 

xukun props one elbow on the back of the couch as he looks at zhengting while the other looks back, too engrossed with everything he wants to tell the younger that he can’t see the appreciative gaze that’s boring holes onto his spotless skin.

 

“oh, i sometimes go to your grandma’s house when i also visit my parents’ house. you’re grandma misses you a lot, want to check on her some time soon?” zhengting questions and xukun thinks for a moment before answering.

 

“some other time, but not right now,”

 

“okay,” zhengting sighs and xukun suddenly remembers something.

 

“i remember when we were kids, we would always hang out at each others houses and you always bring that cute sixty-four crayon box set with you and a pile of bond papers, you were really cute,”

 

zhengting looks up at him and smiles as he remembers the fond memory, “i remember that too, god, time flies really fast huh,” zhengting stares too intently at xukun that the said person slightly backs down on the couch armrest, “i really missed you kunkun, why did you leave?”

 

xukun knew this would happen but he didn’t expect this question be thrown at him so early so he sighs and closes his eyes, back fully pressed down on the couch as he lies down to relax himself for a bit to be able to explain to zhengting everything properly. 

 

zhengting wants to stop him, maybe apologize because he seemed like he was forcing xukun into telling him when he doesn’t even want to but when xukun opens his mouth, all the words zhengting wanted to stay all melted into the air.

 

“first, i’m sorry zhengzheng, i know i was wrong. i didn’t tell you anything didn’t even say goodbye, i admit that. i was kid and i didn’t know what to do, but apparently my family was burning into ashes, it was becoming more disastrous and i’m in the very middle of that storm. my family was long divorced but they never informed me, maybe because i wouldn’t understand it back then but still they tried to live under the same roof just for my sake. we were falling apart without me even knowing and before i knew it, it was all too late. i just woke up with my things and my mom’s inside the car, leaving my dad and we sped off the road. my mom thought it was a good idea for us to go back to china for a while and back then i believed her when she said  _ ‘we’re going on a vacation sweetie’ _ but now i just felt so betrayed,” xukun wipes a tear that he almost didn’t anticipate would suddenly go out of its socket and tugs at zhengting so the older would lie beside him even though they were slightly cramped on the small couch, xukun didn’t care, he pulls zhengting’s head to rest on his chest with one arm securely on zhengting’s head and the other on the older’s waist, he continues, “a few years i still remember you at times when i don’t even want to remember, it just sucks that i have to only remember you and not know when the chance to see you again, i missed grandma too, she had always taken care of me to such an extent. then after a few more years, my parents got over their selfishness and pride and found themselves actually getting along pretty well but without the fact that they’ll be back again together anytime soon, but i’m happy enough that they’re supporting me on my career even without the love in between them.”

 

xukun bites his lip and tries his best to not cry, he hates crying, he rarely cries, it was such a phenomenon only a very lucky person would witness but right now, zhengting lies with him that he doesn’t feel the need to cry anymore. he holds zhengting tighter and the older hugs him and caresses his cheek, “i’m sorry kun, i didn’t mean to make you remember something so cruel.”

 

“it’s okay, i’m glad i got that out of my chest anyway,” he looks down at the older, too fascinated, too mesmerized at the older’s eyes that he doesn’t look away so the older only stares back and xukun brushes a piece of hair, tucking it behind zhengting’s ear and holds his face with his large hand. he’s breathless but he could care less. he breaks off the silence, “let’s go for a shopping, zheng.”

  
  
  
  


arriving at the nearest mall a bit too late was something xukun expected because first of all,  _ who asks someone out to go shopping after such a long heartfelt conversation, who does that? _ zhengting practically screams at him repeatedly like a destroyed recording tape rewinding itself continually. second, zhengting had to scold xukun  _ again _ because (“xukun, it’s a mall not a fucking victoria’s secret runway, where have you even been living these past few years, a palace?”), xukun is blushing and a bit too embarrassed but he is known to be too self-absorbed to accept that. lastly, zhengting once again scolds xukun for being stupid enough to bring loads of money, saying that he might get robbed with his wallet practically wanting to vomit out the amount of bills tucked not-so neatly into it, but xukun insists that they needed  _ that _ much and zhengting knew way more than to fight against a stubborn, hard-headed xukun.

 

of course, the struggle doesn’t end there. wearing a long sleeved shirt with a face mask and a hat that covers more than half of his face, sweat dripping down his neck because it’s practically hell degrees outside was something xukun is still not used to but he really needs to get used to. zhengting really sympathizes him, if the awkward taps on his back were any indication, but the older also wanted to avoid a huge commotion when he’s with his best friend also known as the good-looking, boxing legend.

 

he still can’t believe it all though, of course he knows the guy, seen him on tabloids, magazines and other media formats but the thing he couldn’t grasp mostly is that he didn’t recognize him one bit. yes  _ cai xukun,  _ would’ve known him there right? but no, a young zhengting is a stupid zhengting. they met with both of them only introducing each other’s first names and over time zhengting forgets xukun’s real name, only remembering the nickname that he gave him. a few years more and zhengting also almost forgets xukun’s face that’s why he couldn’t recognise him when they met at the train. 

 

zhengting is hopeless.

 

“kun no! i don’t want you to!” currently inside a store, zhengting screeches at xukun. “i don’t want you to spend money on me, not ever!”

 

xukun grumbles incoherently under his breath and scratches his neck, for the past hour he’s been trying to convince zhengting to let the younger buy a few clothes for him but zhengting was just as hard-headed as he is, “come on, zheng, please?”

 

zhengting looks at him as xukun gives him the cutest pout that is known to mankind with his eyes that seemed like it reflected light, he’s too cute and zhengting can’t handle this much, this is just torture, of course zhengting still tries to survive a fatal attack, “no, no, please stop, don’t do this, i’m still young i have dreams i- fuck! ugh, fine you win!”

 

xukun celebrated in the most blatant way possible even going as far as sticking out his tongue at zhengting, only reminding zhengting how little of a difference xukun had with his younger self, xukun proceeds to pester zhengting and the older couldn’t resist so he picks a few and shoves it harshly to xukun, maybe hoping the stubborn asshole would somehow trip or fall down because of the heavy weight of all the clothes only realizing later on when xukun was striding perfectly fine that his best friend  _ is  _ a boxer, that probably carried more, heavier weights than this to attain such a good physique.

 

zhengting is dumb. seriously, he is.

 

after strolling around with zhengting slightly moping because he still can’t accept the fact that xukun wasted so much money with buying him clothes. even until now xukun still likes to spoil him. it’s not until xukun made a deal did he stop grumbling like the big baby he is.

 

“okay fine, to be fair, do you want to treat me food? because i’m awfully starving!” xukun rubs his flat tummy. he probably has a six pack underneath that shir-

 

okay, now zhengting is going crazy. since when did he fantasize about xukun’s body?

 

nope, he is not doing this. this is nothing, he’s just acting weirdly because they haven’t seen each other for more than ten years, yes sure, let’s use that lame excuse.

 

of course, just normal, weird thoughts accompanying him because he himself can’t believe that his best friend can grow to be  _ this  _ attractive.

 

zhengting hasn’t thought of it since now, because have you seen xukun? he’s like a god bestowed upon mortals to cleanse the ones who have sinned and give them a second chance, zhengting feels already honored to be in his presence.

 

of course, yes, this is zhengting talking, obviously ogling and silently admiring xukun in the most hetero way possible. 

 

a few more hours of aimlessly strolling around the huge mall with heavy paper bags clutched on four tired arms, they decided to go home since mall hours were almost over.

 

zhengting’s thankful that he has a day off during weekends or else he would have missed all this fun with xukun, arriving home was like a blur.

 

all changing pants to pajamas and shirts being thrown away, bidding good night to each other and closing the doors opposite theirs simultaneously, zhengting exhales and finally, he’s alone once again with only the thoughts of xukun replaying inside his head.

 

but why though? why is xukun stuck in there? this whole day he couldn’t even think of anything that isn’t about xukun, it’s always him. wondering what’s his perfume, how many times did he dye his hair, how many times does he think about zhengting everyday when they were far apart, how was life after leaving los angeles, how much has he changed, how are his hands so strong, how are his back muscles flexing even with the slightest movement, why is his side profile looking so attractive like it’s asking for the spotlight, why does he-

 

okay, maybe that’s too much but he can’t stop it even if he wanted to. he’s so curious and he wants to ask so many questions but he doesn’t know where to start. 

 

suddenly his best friend when they were kids popped out of nowhere and they bonded with each other, it wasn’t awkward, he even felt light headed whenever he sees xukun or feels that xukun is in close proximity. he doesn’t even feel mad and didn’t have a complete outburst when he found out that  _ xukun  _ is  _ kunkun  _ that really came a shock to him because he is after all, a very impulsive person.

 

xukun this, xukun that.

 

he rubs his tired eyes and belly flops on his bed. he groans loudly on the sheets and squirms. with his thoughts accompanying as he snoozes off to sleep.

  
  
  
  


the next morning he wakes up to continuous loud knocks emitting from his front door accompanied by screeches from two idiots he knows all too well, all too well that he knows best than to answer it, but he knows he should before his neighbors file out a noise complaint.

 

he groans and pushes his face further into his pillows hoping it would somehow swallow him whole and the idiots would just come to the conclusion that he’s gone and officially done with their bullshit, but as far as he knows, that’s like witnessing someone walk on water.

 

the first thing he thought of was  _ why is xukun not answering the door? he should be awake by now _ and crosses the small distance between his and the younger’s room only to find out that it was empty.

 

zhengting panics.

 

xukun is not in his room, and there is no one cooking in the kitchen or no one’s inside the apartment as a whole, where the fuck is he?

 

zhengting wonders this as he goes to open the door, obviously cautious because many things could go wrong as soon as he opens up the door. even if he doesn’t, there are still a thousand ways the dumbasses behind the door could create much chaos that would bring him in more trouble.

 

he clutches the doorknob, bracing himself for impact and- 

 

“zhengting!” one blonde guy screams at him and he winces, ears still not used to the noise and now realizes he just unleashed beasts into his peaceful apartment.

 

he smacks the blonde guy by the head, “justin shut the fuck up it’s basically the ass crack of dawn, why are you being so loud for?”

 

justin holds the spot where zhengting smacked him and looks at zhengting with so much anger in his eyes.

 

“give him a break, zhengting, he missed you!” chengcheng, one of the six crackheads says and pats sympathetically on justin’s back.

 

“well i didn’t miss you, actually, any of you for that matter ㅡ except quanzhe, he’s the only one who is at least sane,” quanzhe smiles on the side as justin frowns at him in huge disappointment.

 

“how come quanzhe’s the favorite?”

 

“besides the reason i just said which you would have heard if you listened, zeren-” zhengting pointedly looks at the accused and zeren looks a bit pained, hand clutching his heart, “quanzhe is actually nice to me and doesn’t scream loud enough for even people in zimbabwe to hear!”

 

zeren frowns deep, a lot like justin but justin won by a mile if it were a competition.

 

“hey i don’t scream!” wenjun retorts.

 

“yes you don’t,” chengcheng replies with a grin, “but your height annoys him, he just can’t accept the fact that you’re so tall, his ego is scarred,”

 

“but you’re taller than him as well-”

 

“did you just come to my apartment to annoy me and openly judge my six feet tall, muscle-packed body?”

 

“well that’s one fun thing we could do ㅡ or already doing, but we have so many things to do with you! we really missed you!” justin comes up to shake him back and forth by the shoulders and zhengting is slightly dizzy and annoyed and halfway near kicking justin where the sun don’t shine but he decided against it, he may be charged for animal cruelty.

 

the only thing zhengting is thankful about is that xinchun hasn’t done something remotely insane, probably still half asleep and dreaming about the minions movie he binge-watched.

 

what zhengting really needs now is a saviour, a distraction, something that would-

 

the front door suddenly bursts open and lo and behold,

xukun in jogging attire and all his sweaty glory.

 

zhengting is not drooling, zhengting is  _ not  _ drooling.

 

a few seconds have passed, silence enveloped them, only a tumbleweed missing before it would look like an iconic scene from a movie until zhengting realizes what the silence was for.

 

the six dumbasses don’t know who xukun is.

 

and xukun doesn’t know who these six dumbasses are.

 

before he can even speak a word, chengcheng and justin are already pulling him on a far corner while the other four following suit, suddenly they’re circling zhengting like what predators do to their prey, zhengting doesn’t like the situation at all.

 

“so, how long has  _ this  _ been going on?” zeren interrogates and throws a quick glance at xukun while xukun has that face where someone’s confused if either they should stay put or call the police.

 

“just over a day ago,” zhengting looks down and plays with his fingers.

 

the whispering began but zhengtung couldn’t understand, he feels so cornered like he was in court, a witness that is pressured to answer everything he’s being asked.

 

“and who is he exactly?” wenjun pretends like he’s picking off dirt from his fingers, seriously why?

 

“he’s my childhood best friend…”

 

“a childhood best friend that you never told us about?” quanzhe counters with as much suspicion in his eyes as well as the others.

 

“uh, well, i-”

 

“a childhood best friend that turned into a fuck buddy now?” zhengting suddenly looks up when he hears that statement from xinchun and he suddenly turns red.

 

“w-what? fuck, fuck buddies? seriously what the fuck? and where did you get this sort of conclusion?”

 

they all nod at each other before saying ‘in denial’ in chorus that honestly would have amazed zhengting if he wasn’t in this current situation.

 

“no i’m not?”

 

“not sure of his answer,” justin notes like he’s a detective with a notepad in hand, scribbles down on it with his air pen.

 

zhengting is tired, really, he is.

 

“you know what, i’m done with this, come here xukun!” zhengting suddenly calls on the younger and he flinches, suddenly confused of why he was being summoned.

 

“xukun, meet my friends,” zhengting suddenly says with an arm wrapped around xukun’s shoulder, other hand gesturing the person he’s talking about, “this is justin or minghao, xinchun, chengcheng, wenjun, zeren and quanzhe!”

 

xukun awkwardly smiles and shakes their hands, thinking about the atmosphere a while ago as their faces distort from actual horror movie films to sunshine and rainbows, “hello i’m xukun!” he politely greets as the others greet him back as polite.

 

“i can’t believe you six idiots can actually be civil,” zhengting comments earning a pair of six eyes glaring at his direction.

 

“because for one, xukun actually looks cool,” justin teases and zhengting resists the urge to throw a knife at him when he’s only a few feet away from the kitchen.

 

quanzhe suddenly exclaims, “wait! aren’t cai xukun?  _ the  _ cai xukun, the famous boxer? ...oh my god it is you!”

 

oh yeah, zhengting forgot that very important information as he hears all of them squeal.

 

xukun shyly scratches the back of his neck and smiles, “i thought you wouldn’t notice,”

 

“quanzhe since when did you watch boxing?”

 

“that doesn’t even matter now zhengting, your chilhood best friend is a boxing legend, there is a boxing legend inside zhengting’s apartment, i can’t believe you hid this valuable information from us i’m disappointed in you!” chengcheng says and looks at him with a pout.

 

xukun snickers, zhengting slaps him on the side and turns back to the six dumbos awaiting his reply, “first of all, shut up the neighbors might hear you, second i didn’t tell you because xukun said that he went to los angeles in secret so no one should know that he’s here and third, xukun how did you manage to jog without anyone noticing that it was you?”

 

xukun suddenly got the spotlight as seven eyes turned their attention to him but he doesn’t feel pressured, he only smirks and replies, “it’s a secret,”

 

“is cool under pressure and even his replies are cool, zhengting why can’t you be like xukun!” justin exclaims exasperatedly with hands swishing in different directions to help him make a point that everyone sees except zhengting.

 

“justin shut up, you’re feeding up this idiot’s ego!” 

 

“you hurt me, zheng,” xukun pouts.

 

“zheng?” wenjun question, “his nickname is zheng?”

 

“you have a nickname that is zheng?” zeren echoes.

 

“he calls you zheng?” xinchun follows.

 

ladies and gentlemen, crackheads. “yes, yes and yes. only he is allowed to use it,” 

 

“why?” they exclaimed all at the same time. xukun is silently amused.

 

“because he was the one who made that nickname,”

 

“but-”

 

“no buts,”

 

they groan but shuts up anyway.

 

a few minutes more and they are all sprawled out on the living room and questioning xukun about multiple things that the said person would be happy to answer to.

 

in the midst of answering justin’s question if he’s taller or is xukun taller, zhengting comes back from the kitchen holding a bowl with mixed nuts and goes in between xukun’s outstretched thighs, lying on the younger’s chest.

 

the drastic change in facial expression of the six was a sight to laugh at. “not fuck buddies, huh?” justin muses.

 

“nope, not at all, just friends,” xukun answers quickly while he picks a few cashews from zhengting’s bowl.

 

“we’re friends but you don’t see us sticking to each other like we’re trying to mold into one, and imagine if i were to do that with wenjun?” zeren cringes, “disgusting,”

 

“well he’s-” xukun stops mid-sentence, like he’s trying to find the right word as zhengting looks up at him, anticipation clear in his eyes, “special.”

 

“special my ass,” justin whispers but zhengting hears it and kicks him in the shin and he groans in visible pain.

 

“so xukun, do you play basketball?” wenjun asks.

 

“are you kidding me? i was in the basketball team when i was in high school!” xukun exclaims proudly as he remembers his high school days.

 

“how about a game tomorrow?” 

 

“how about people seeing him?” zhengting looks at wenjun with eyebrows furrowed.

 

“i know a place near here that people rarely visits, plus it’s a covered court, he’ll be safe,” wenjun offers with a promising smile.

 

xukun smiles back, “tomorrow it is then.”

  
  
  
  


the next thing they knew, they’re already in the secluded area wenjun’s talking about. bags filled with water bottles, shirts and drying towels. sleepiness forgotten when the excitement kicked in as xukun splits them into two teams.

 

“zhengting aren’t you joining?” xukun questions zhengting as the older sits at the side with quanzhe sitting beside him, zhengting all too surprised blushes at the question for no reason and shakes his head. “why not?”

 

xukun comes closer and zhengting thinks he’s breathless because god, how does xukun look so good in everything? “u-uh well, i don’t really play. i’ll just stay here and accompany quanzhe.”

 

“...okay then.” 

 

xukun goes back to the five waiting for him to start the game and zhengting is able to breathe again.

 

the teams were justin, chengcheng and xukun while the other is wenjun, xinchun and zeren. a three on three, the game’s honestly pointless. no one’s keeping track of the current score, there isn’t a referee and they have probably done a dozen fouls but they act like they didn’t so yeah, pointless. but they’re tired and breathless nonetheless.

 

as soon as they’re done they reach for the bags and sat beside zhengting and quanzhe. 

 

“wenjun you look like you just had a shower, come here i’ll help you!” zhengting suggests and suddenly xukun’s attention is fully on him.

 

xukun watches as the older wipes wenjun’s sweat like a baby even when everyone is well-aware that wenjun can do it himself, in zhengting’s defense, he’s the motherly figure of this group so he has every right to take care of them.

 

xukun though, had no idea there was a thing like that going on. as he helplessly wipes a towel over his sweaty neck and staring all too obviously at zhengting and wenjun’s direction, a slight nudge on the shoulder adverts his eyes from the two and he looks back to see justin with a shit eating grin, “‘sup?”

 

“careful there xukun, you might cremate wenjun alive,” justin snickers and xukun furrows his eyebrows at him as if asking him what he meant.

 

justin rolls his eyes, “don’t give me that face everyone can see that sour expression on you once zhengting mentioned about helping wenjun,”

 

“what sour expression?”

 

“jesus, you and zhengting are both the saddest idiots!”

 

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

 

justin winks, “it’s for me to know and for you to  _ hopefully _ find out.”

 

xukun is confused but he let it pass only because he shouldn’t be stressing about the words justin said, the guy must have only been fooling around plus, he wasn’t even giving any stares… wasn’t he? it’s only normal to look at people, he was just checking, just checking, right.

 

regardless of what justin said, xukun did feel something though. something he can’t word out, almost at his tongue but he couldn’t decipher. maybe it’s one of those things you feel when you haven’t seen your best friend in years, it could be that. either way he’ll just ignore it, along with the fast beating of his heart whenever zhengting’s too close.

 

too close for comfort but he receives it anyway, opens his arms for anything zhengting would do, envelopes him inside and hugs it willingly that it actually pains him. he accepts and accepts without further argument that he’s afraid that he’s allowing too much and giving so little but who is he to know about the older’s feelings? who is he to know if anything has changed? maybe that’s the feeling. the feeling of not knowing certain things, that he’s actually afraid that he’s starting from scratch, like he has to learn everything about zhengting again, see things with him again, do firsts again, like a cycle so familiar and so unknown to him and he feels like he’s spinning in circles and wandering over loopholes but he couldn’t quite know anything in particular. zhengting is in his arms again, figuratively and literally at times, but he seems too far away. there’s so much to say but so little can be honestly said. xukun  _ is _ afraid, so much that he couldn’t accept it himself.

 

“xukun, have any plans on going?” xukun snaps out of his daze when he hears someone call him, that someone is zhengting, calling out to him waving as they’re almost near the exit only waiting for xukun to join them. xukun nods, nothing better to reply and tongue completely going numb as he walks to them so robotically like he’s on autopilot that it’s weird and not really.

 

“that was fun,” zhengting opens in conversation while they’re silently walking back to zhengting’s apartment, xukun makes sure that he’s wearing his mask and cap but zhengting can see that xukun is smiling through the way his eyes squinted at him.

 

the younger nods, “never had that much fun, some amazing friends you got there,”

 

“ugh, it’s only the beginning. once you get to hang out with them a bit more, you’ll look as exhausted as i am,”

 

xukun smiles, “well i’d be lucky then, i’d look gorgeous since i’ll look like you,”

 

zhengting hides his face in his hands to hide his embarrassment but his reddening ears gave it away. “where did that come from?”

 

xukun chuckles and wraps an arm around zhengting’s shoulder, ignoring the tingles that shoot up his arm as he does so. “if you know my friend, you’d know exactly where i got that from.”

 

“i might actually hate him, he’s teaching you bad things!”

 

“what can i say, i’m badass,” xukun nears his ear and whispers, “ _ your _ badass.”

 

xukun sprints away and zhengting rolls his eyes before running after him. what can a zhengting do so he wouldn’t be put up with this much suffering? please, he’ll even give justin.

  
  
  
  


a loud ringtone resonates inside xukun’s room at two in morning and he blindly searches for it, once found, he swipes and brings it up to his ear while clearing his throat. “hello?”

 

“ _ xukun! _ ” he hears the loud scream of yanchen and he flinches a little, putting the phone a few centimeters away to at least lessen the impact that his eardrum received.

 

“jesus why feel the need to scream that loud?” 

 

“ _ we’ve got a problem, _ ” yanchen starts and xukun is suddenly fully awake and eyes wide.

 

“why what happened?”

 

“ _ someone saw you! _ ” yanchen sighs, “ _ i told you to be careful! _ ”

 

“i am careful! i almost live off of face masks and caps i swear!”

 

“ _ then how could you explain this? _ ”

 

“i don’t know!” xukun sputters and groans as he lands forcibly on the bed and turns to his side, suddenly getting a headache from being forced to wake up when it’s supposed to be his sleeping hours. “i did what you told me to do and if something like that happened then it’s beyond my doing!”

 

yanchen sighs yet again and xukun imagines the way he looks, pinching the bridge of his nose. “ _ nevermind that, we’re already taking care of it, but be more careful please! we’ll do the best we can but please, i’m practically begging you to be on your utmost guard! _ ”

 

“yes, yanchen, i promise,” xukun’s voice softens and he rubs his eyes. “tell xing jie and xiao gui i said hi, take care of yourselves!”

 

he was about to end the call but he hears yanchen exclaim again. “- _ ait! where are you staying at then? _ ”

 

“i’m-” xukun is not sure if he has to say the truth or if he should hide this fact from yanchen but either would madden him anyway so he chose to lie. “you don’t have to know, what you have to know is i’m doing fine and i’m not being held captive or being harassed or anything. if that happens then i wouldn’t have been talking to you so carefreely.”

 

“ _ okay fine, but i’ll check on you soon! _ ”

 

“okay, bye!” xukun is tired.

  
  
  
  


“zheng,” xukun almost whispers but the older looks up at him as they both hold their hot mugs. “someone recognized me,”

 

“what? when? where?” zhengting is shocked and confused. they were all careful how could that have happened?

 

“i don’t know either, my manager is taking care of the issue and i just feel bad about it. he’s getting all stressed out again because of me.”

 

zhengting grasps his hand, “hey, don’t say that. we were cautious, we did the best we can, it was beyond our control and you don’t have to blame yourself for something like that!”

 

xukun offers him a smile that he quickly returns, it only seems natural to intertwine their fingers so xukun didn’t hesitate to do just that. warm and soft, reminds him of zhengting. he looks up at the older to see him already looking back at him, a few seconds they just stare at each other before xukun breaks the silence, “i want to visit my grandmother,”

 

zhengting tries to speak up but xukun beats him to it, “and i would like you to come with me,”

 

xukun stares at zhengting as the older paces back and forth in the living room while the younger sits down at the couch, waiting expectantly.

 

he sometimes listens in on the conversation to as much as his hearing abilities would allow him (“yes sir it’ll just be a few days!” “you won’t even notice,” “i’ll be back before you know it!” “really? thank you sir!”)

 

“...so?”

 

zhengting practically squishes him like a pancake and xukun can’t breathe but he smiles as he waits for zhengting to answer. “he said okay!”

 

“great, we’re leaving tomorrow then.”

  
  
  
  


tomorrow couldn’t come any faster and all too soon they were pulling out luggages and bidding a quick farewell to justin and the others saying reassuring things and zhengting reminding them to check up on his place every once in a while. “we’ll only be there for a few days, take care while i’m gone.”

 

a few more hours and they’re now in the middle of a train ride sitting beside each other and sharing earphones, zhengting staring at xukun’s long, slender fingers tapping at his knee corresponding to the beat of the song.

 

he knows the younger is a little nervous and a bit agitated so he asks a little: “are you okay?”

 

almost missed but xukun is always there to respond to him, “i will be, zheng. stop worrying,” as he offers the other a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes but it was enough to ease the little ache in zhengting’s chest.

 

xukun fixes his face mask and cap and holds onto zhengting’s hand, for comfort and for something else he still can’t quite pinpoint but it’s all too comforting so he indulges in the feeling of it as the older intertwine their fingers tighter to somehow strengthen every bit of him, to make him feel like he has something he can hold on to.

 

the older ignores the slight jump in his chest the minute he feels those fingers wrap around his, everytime they have physical contact, the thing he feels become stronger and it’s already there, all ready for him to see but he’s still blinded and suddenly can’t recognise what it is so he waits for himself to adjust to this newly found feeling and relishes on what the younger can give. his heart pounds and he’s irritated and he hopes the younger can hear it too so he could somehow help zhengting come to an understanding of what all of this is but they’re inside a train ride going home with eager hands wrapped against each other and thoughts all too loud; voices all too silent that zhengting knows that it’s far from happening.

 

the train ride is tiring but they haven’t reached their destination yet and zhengting is sleepy so as cautious as he can be he cocks his head to the side a little to rest on the younger’s shoulder, broad and muscle-y and not that pillowy but it’s more than he deserves. he feels xukun’s hand that was once held tight by his, wrapped itself on zhengting to help him further down to xukun’s shoulder and xukun’s hand brushed a few locks of his hair, “sleep. i’ll wake you up when we get there.”

 

with xukun’s voice as soft as a feather and the younger’s hand brushing his hair as an alternative lullaby, he quickly drifts off to sleep. all too sleepy to be able to blush from the gesture at this point.

 

he feels a slight tap on his cheeks before he hears xukun say, “wake up, zheng, we’re here now.”

 

he holds back a yawn and stretches, snapping his neck a little since he’s been sleeping with one particular spot of his neck getting all the pressure. he looks at xukun as the younger practically holds all of their luggages while they go out of the train ride wanting to help him but the other refuses but instead instructed him to call a cab.

 

one quiet ride more and they soon reach grandma cai’s doorstep. xukun’s hesitant, he feels it when the younger suddenly starts small talk, “your parents’ house is the one opposite my grandma’s right? why don’t you go and say hello or something?”

 

zhengting smiles and nods, “yup, but i’ll just say hello to them tomorrow or the day after that. it’s a good time to visit when they least expect it.”

 

it was almost lunch time when they arrived, that means zhengting’s parents might be working so he doesn’t bother to check and instead he pushes xukun to knock on the front door.

 

the younger sighs and knocks, “hello? grandma? is anybody home?”

 

they hear a few steps reverberate inside before a few locks were unlocked and a sweet smile welcomes them, xukun takes off his mask and cap and almost tackles his grandmother and yells, “grandma!”

 

zhengting chuckles as he hears grandma cai groan in pain but doesn’t fully complain as she pulls the younger into their hug a tiny bit closer, “kunkun! look how much you’ve grown, i’ve been wanting to see you for ages!”

 

xukun smiles at her earnestly and is quick to reply, “i’ve missed you grandma, i’m sorry i haven’t been able to come visit you. i was too busy but now here i am!”

 

“you still have that cute smile, you’re still so adorable!” grandma cai practically gushes and pinches at her grandson’s face.

 

xukun frowns, “grandma your grandson is  _ handsome _ , not adorable. i’m too old for that, if anything zhengzheng is the cute one!”

 

zhengting is shocked that he’s suddenly put into the conversation and grandma cai comes to hug him as well, “well he really grew up to be a fine boy as well, kunkun. so, why did you both come here? oh wait, is it because you want my blessing for your marr-”

 

xukun stutters and zhengting did a spit take before he hurriedly spoke up, “grandma no!”

 

xukun explains, “we’re not together i promise! we’re just friends and he was willing to accompany me so we went here together and besides his house is the house in front of us, of course he would want to see his parents as well!”

 

grandma cai laughs, “oh you boys, can’t even take a joke. you know your grandma’s only kidding!”

 

xukun folds his arms together and zhengting wonders why xukun denies that he’s cute when he really is.

 

“have you guys eaten lunch?” the two guys shook their heads. “good then, i was just going to prepare one!”

 

after eating, xukun’s grandmother told them to rest from their long trip and suggested for them to stroll around the place once they’ve rested but there’s a problem.

 

“well, the house only has three rooms, me and my late husband’s, xukun’s parents’ and his room. xukun’s parents’ room is preoccupied with some old stuff so there’s no way you can rest there and mine is well, off limits so you just really have to share a room for now,” grandma cai snickers at the simultaneous groans he received from the two and ignores the blush on zhengting’s cheeks before saying, “don’t even think that i’ll let you sleep on the couch, zhengting. now listen to grandma and both of you head upstairs and sleep!”

 

xukun goes first and zhengting is doubting his life choices.

 

once the door is opened, xukun fixed the bed a bit to make it more comfortable. for a room that old, it was clean and orderly probably because xukun’s grandmother always tidied it, hoping that this day will come, her grandson finally visits her and all her hard work in maintaining the room clean paid off.

 

xukun sits and the bed dips as zhengting’s eyes wandered across the pictures scattered around the room and a few toys xukun owned. once again the feeling of nostalgia consumes him as he scans around the room, too familiar and he sees that nothing’s changed ever since xukun left. xukun leaving a part of him here only for zhengting to see it with him again.

 

xukun looks at him expectantly, “well, are you just going to stay standing there?”

 

zhengting shakes his head only now that something sinks in, he’ll be in the same bedroom as xukun. alone. they’ll be sleeping together on  _ one _ bed. zhengting is trying to register that, he’s trying but the last working brain cell inside him died ages ago so he has no clue what else to do in this situation. “u-uhm, can i- can i sit?”

 

xukun rolls his eyes at him, “well duh, no one rests while standing up. i didn’t raise you to be that dumb zheng!”

 

xukun’s eyes are playful again, mischief glinting in them and zhengting does anything but look away from them, “raise me? let me remind you that  _ i’m  _ older! if anything i’m the one who raised you!”

 

the younger is amused and he snickers, “i grew up here in los angeles just to take care of you zheng,” he sighs, “but you’re disappointing me. maybe i should punish you!” 

 

xukun abruptly stands up and zhengting doesn’t know what to do so he stays rooted and before he perceives the younger’s motive, he’s already hoisted up and thrown onto the bed while xukun tackles him, xukun taps his chin mindlessly and looks down at zhengting with their faces only a few inches apart, “how should i punish you, zheng?”

 

“uhm…”

 

he feels hands run down his sides and suddenly he’s bursting out laughing and screaming stop at the top of his lungs concurrently trying to gasp for air he’s losing as he practically wheezes out his giggles, “oh my god xukun i’m dying!”

 

xukun only replies with harsh laughter as he runs his fingers up and down zhengting’s weak spots and his neck that xukun knows is very sensitive. “do you want me to stop?”

 

“you think at this point should i even answer that?”

 

“ssh, do you want me to stop?”

 

“y-yes yes please stop jesus christ i am already feeling death’s cold grip on me, xukun oh my god!”

 

“then tell me who raised you!”

 

“fuck no!”

 

“then i won’t stop,”

 

“no-”

 

“then tell me who?”

 

“seriously fuck you! you did! you raised me!” 

 

xukun instantaneously let go off him to lie next to him and zhengting is thankful for he can gulp as much air as he can now without restrictions and without anything forcing it out of him but also a bit disappointed for the loss of contact with xukun. once his breath evened out, he looks at the younger who’s propped on one elbow and lied on his side, staring at zhengting with the widest grin stretching his face. 

 

he’s glowing, zhengting needs to admit and he’s blatantly staring but xukun didn’t seem to care so he only continues, obviously admiring xukun’s features. this is the only time he really had the chance to appreciate xukun and he was totally missing out because this is a beauty he never knew could exist. not any of his sketches would be able to top xukun, this person in front of him has the face of someone you would see on billboards (not that he already is since xukun is indeed a boxer) and zhengting wanted to sketch him.

 

for awhile now actually.

 

so that he would hang a face like that on his wall or something that would remind him that someone this gorgeous knows him and actually relies on his presence so much.

 

he moves a little closer, too tempted to feel xukun up close, to study him more. every inch of his face and his beautifully annoying straight nose. to sense the warmth only xukun gives out that zhengting is well accustomed to by now. xukun moves a little to him as well, smile never fading and there’s this silence that zhengting once thought was awkward but now experiencing it, it really wasn’t. it was pleasant to say the least.

 

maybe he was at ease because this is xukun he’s with. not anyone else, sure they have their awkward moments but xukun’s presence is something zhengting will never get tired of, if anything he yearns for it every chance he gets. it’s something zhengting never knew he needed until he lost and found him again.

 

xukun sighs in relief and pulls zhengting towards him; completely removing the space between them as he snakes his arms around the older’s neck and tiny waist. a silent demand only skin can whisper to skin, only he can communicate through his eyes that hopefully would get through zhengting’s as well. 

 

“i like hugging you, why is that?”

 

zhengting knows xukun is straightforward but when he hears the sudden confession, his heart skips and does a backflip but he calms himself and only hugs the other back with grip just as tight, “i thought i was the only one feeling that way,”

 

xukun plays again with his hair, playing with it like how xukun purposely plays with his heart with every little thing he does and zhengting is always ready for every thing xukun has to extend to him, always willing to do these things with him even when his body is getting physically weak and his mind crashing like an old computer with the tiniest contact. “guess we mutually agree on something.”

 

drifting off to sleep in the softest bed he’s been in a while is something but with xukun hugging him so tight that it might break him and something inside of him is another but it’s enough to ensure him that maybe, xukun is here to stay.

 

he’s cradled in broad shoulders and strong arms, legs tangled messily but they haven’t had the time to think much about it, zhengting decides he wants to stay like this for a while longer.

  
  
  
  


zhengting wakes up but doesn’t open his eyes yet, trying to find a phone to check the time and it’s six nineteen in the evening, he’s fully rested and can properly process things now with his mind ㅡ or what is left of it ㅡ and tries to stand up but the arms around him only tightened to keep him in place, he turns around to face xukun and thank you to all that is holy because zhengting can’t just stop admiring xukun. with his bed hair sticking all over the place but him managing to pull it off like he styled it himself whilst sleeping and the tiny frown on his brows with a throaty groan xukun whispers, “don’t leave just yet, ‘ting.”

 

‘ _ ting _ ’? xukun invents new nicknames even when he’s half-asleep?

 

zhengting isn’t complaining though, he likes the sound of it, the way it rolls off the younger’s tongue while the octave lowers and turns scratchy. it was enough to convince him to stay inside the younger’s arms a little bit longer and lull himself back to slumber meanwhile hoping that he’d hear that nickname once again.

  
  
  
  


zhengting wakes up for the second time that evening but without xukun’s arms basically wrapped around him like a koala. only he was tucked under the covers so neatly that he guessed xukun might’ve done that to him so he’d be comfortable.

 

he removes the covers and climbs downstairs to hear something sizzle and he goes straight to the kitchen to see xukun and his grandmother fixing up dinner.

 

“oh, zheng! you’re awake, that’s good we’re almost done,” xukun flashes him a smile and he’s breathless, regardless of the change in nickname.

 

“i’ll prepare the table then,” zhengting offers.

 

“yes please.”

 

the chatter began with plates and utensils clacking, xukun’s grandmother kept on teasing him about the fact that he’s able to cook now all the while smiling towards zhengting meaningfully. “why don’t you look around the place? it’s perfect because around this time, less people would be able to see you and it’ll be easier for you,”

 

“okay grandma, will do.”

  
  
  
  


“god, i missed this place!” zhengting exclaims as he grasps one of the metal chains of the swing. remembering so much as he stares at the poorly maintained playground they used to play at. he sits down on one swing with his legs gently rocking him back and forth, fond smile not leaving his face and he hears xukun sigh.

 

“it’s the first time i’ve seen this place in years, brings back so much,” xukun chuckles, “remember when you fell down the swing when i pushed you too hard?”

 

xukun looks at him, right in front of him with eyes glinting with joy under the millions of stars watching their little scene unfold. zhengting blushes and xukun thinks it’s cute and such a zhengting thing to do. “don’t even start with that one, gosh, there were so many people at that time and i almost peed my pants in embarrassment! it's all your fault!” 

 

xukun crouches down, eyes following the dagger-like index finger of zhengting pointing at him with such accusation but he can only laugh a little and reply with a little sorry before they’re once again stuck in a stare down. xukun crouching in front of him with eyes set straight and prominently looking at zhengting that zhengting doesn’t look away.

 

he can’t look away.

 

that should have been a fact he’s known by now.

 

xukun stares at him like he’s treasure. xukun thinks he’s more. xukun doubts if zhengting even is real. he has to admit that the older’s beauty is too otherworldly it would make anyone fall in love at first sight with him. so xukun stares; looks; observes.

 

the slight raise in zhengting’s eyebrow and the smile that rarely leaves the older’s face. the rosy cheeks that he wants to pinch so bad. the face he wants imprinted in his mind for the rest of his life. there’s just something about him, so uniquely zhengting that xukun doesn’t want to look away but to only go closer and hold the older by the waist as zhengting stays still, awaiting for the younger’s move, contemplating if he should do anything or let the younger do what he wants.

 

but if anything, xukun never forgets to say the utmost truth so he tells zhengting softly, “why’d you have to grow up so beautifully zhengting?”

 

xukun rarely calls him by his real name but when he does, zhengting’s mind is running in circles, utterly and fully confused and why.

 

zhengting gulps and does nothing because all he wanted to do was praise the other one back, but he holds onto the moment and closes his eyes when xukun leans in to kiss his forehead with feathery touches and gentle hands brushing zhengting’s waist with warmth only xukun can give him.

 

they’re still there, with zhengting’s mind going haywire and xukun’s thoughts disarrayed but they stay quiet, savoring the moment where xukun is allowed to hold zhengting however he wants and zhengting can feel anything for xukun as long as he wants and it feels wrong because they know it wouldn’t last but the silence only lengthens with the possibilities running through their head and they stare at each other, holding the world, the galaxies between. zhengting wants to say something but he doesn’t. xukun wants to confess but there’s nothing.

 

xukun wants to know the reason why he wanted to kiss zhengting that night, but he never got the answer.

  
  
  
  


“oh lord how much you’ve grown, xukun dear!” he hears zhengting’s mother scream and pulls him in their house with so much force that xukun is a bit overwhelmed but didn’t fight against it.

 

“hello auntie! i see you’re doing well, how is uncle zhu?” 

 

“he can be better but same old, same old. don’t worry i’m taking care of him well,” zhengting’s mom stage whispers and xukun is quick to reply with a chuckle.

 

zhengting’s parents, always a handful but really brightens up anyone’s day.

 

zhengting laughs that beautiful laugh of his and xukun didn’t even realize he’s staring until zhengting looks back and shyly looks away. he does too as soon as he feels blood run up his cheeks. zhengting’s mother ushered them to go to zhengting’s room first while she prepares food and it was awkward. after all that happened last night and xukun’s unknown feelings growing stronger every time zhengting’s around. 

 

as soon as zhengting opens the door, xukun is already enthralled. 

 

the room never really had much changes, just a few paint jobs here and there but the one that took xukun’s breath away are the drawings.  _ lots  _ of it.

 

hanging on the wall, some even framed, others with stickity tack and they’re all almost as equally as gorgeous as the one who made them.

 

“zheng, these are amazing!” xukun gasps and looks back at the older and zhengting looks down with a hand scratching his neck.

 

“i just really had a lot of time as a kid,”

 

“look at you being humble,”

 

zhengting frowns to somehow try and remove the blush from going a shade deeper, “but it’s the truth!”

 

“yeah yeah okay.” 

 

xukun ignores his protests as he jumps down on zhengting’s bed, quite spacious and xukun missed it and hugs one of zhengting’s old pillows. zhengting laughs at him, eyes solely focused on his movements and he goes to copy what he did and plops down on the bed as well.

 

zhengting lies flat on his back and chuckles, xukun props his head on one elbow, “zhengzheng haven’t you felt a sense of deja vu?”

 

the older looks at him, “why?”

 

“i mean, once we arrived at my grandmother’s house we went to my room, joked around as well and lied down, and now we’re doing the same thing, and we’re even lying at the exact same spot. that’s crazy but awesome,” xukun chuckles deeply and cards a hand through his hair, the older evidently following his ministrations.

 

“you’re right, that’s kind of cool but we also sound pretty lazy. i mean, we just lie down and wait for food,” 

 

“we can’t argue when they’re both so persistent,” xukun excuses and zhengting couldn’t argue.

 

“kidding aside though, i never knew you’re this talented, all of them are so gorgeous,” xukun rakes his eyes on the sketches once more then settles to look at the older’s gaze that always looked like they wanted to tell so much, “but not as gorgeous as you.”

 

zhengting barely registers it, but he suddenly hears it, the compliment flying through his ear and suddenly his mind is blank. he’s left to deal with it and its entirety while xukun holds his gaze that had a thousand meanings.

 

a breath or two, zhengting’s not really good at counting, xukun responds by moving closer, too close that zhengting is panicking and so calm that it’s too twisted and feels too okay. the younger looms on top of him, face on palm to help him upright and he swipes a thumb on zhengting’s cheek. too soft, like not there at all, almost like the older’s dreaming way too much that it’s getting out of hand. he stays still, he always waits, never too bold enough to do the next, so he waits just like he always do.

 

their noses touch and their breaths mingle, minty, sweet and inviting. zhengting’s unsure of what’s happening, xukun only knows that he wants to kiss zhengting without knowing the reason.

 

it’s so stupid but so perfect that they drown in it altogether, too dazed to lean in but xukun runs with the phrase ‘go big or go home’ and he remembers to never choose the latter. a quick inhale into the nose and he dives in.

 

zhengting waits for the thing to happen but it never came.

 

instead, he feels himself frantically pushing himself away from xukun harshly but the younger not doing a better job at getting him less hurt with both of them rushing to get away from each other as fast as they could.

 

sometimes they wished they knew locks existed.

 

“oh, oops! did i interrupt something?” zhengting’s mother speaks as she stands at the doorway with a food tray held by warm hands.

 

the awkwardness in the air didn’t seem to lift off but instead got heavier with the question carelessly thrown at them and, xukun and zhengting, the idiots that they are, looked at each other at the same time while xukun accidentally fell from the bed and zhengting looking so dishevelled from the sudden chaos that whirled over them, both shyly looking away with pink-dusted cheeks. 

 

zhengting’s mother chuckles knowingly and clears her throat, “i’ll leave these snacks here, if you both need anything, you can go downstairs! oh, and you can both stay here for the night. i’m sure grandma cai won’t mind that i’ll steal her favorite grandson for a while, wouldn’t she?”

 

xukun wants to lie, that his grandmother wouldn’t be okay with that sort of arrangement but he’s a complete moron. not knowing how to lie and just gave up entirely, slightly nodding with mouth slightly ajar. “you’ll sleep beside zhengting, just like old times right?”

 

_ yeah, just like old times. nothing special, two guys, just a… few feet apart and clearly not that gay for each other, just great. _

 

when his mother closed the door, zhengting wanted to scream.

  
  
  
  


a few more days of them aimlessly strolling the town, they decided to come back to zhengting’s apartment since zhengting needed to go back to his job.

 

xukun sluggishly throws their bags to the couch and opens the light, scanning with tired eyes as zhengting yawns. it’s been a long day and with all of the things going on between them, they haven’t had been talking much. just weird glances and stolen ones.

 

xukun is constantly affected, even with the dimly lit set up, zhengting is stunning. xukun’s pulse quickens as he looks at the other up and down, drinking up most of the dishevelled appearance of the older before he was noticed and he quickly looks away just as fast that zhengting almost felt like he had imagined it. they stood at the living room awkwardly until zhengting decides that it’s time for him to sleep, bidding a soft  _ ‘good night’ _ towards the younger before disappearing off to the hall and in to his own room.

 

now xukun is left alone contemplating on the complication at hand, it didn’t help that they’re only a few feet apart and also the fact that zhengting’s rather expensive cologne is everywhere. xukun can even smell on a god damn magazine and it annoys him so much that he’s on the verge of insanity.

 

because zhengting, 

 

zhengting is a mystery xukun have always wanted to solve, something he knew but not really, a feeling that never seems to go away and he feels trapped within its chambers. confused and consistently paralyzed with the idea stuck in his mind.

 

that he wants to kiss those lips.

 

but for no absolute reason.

 

he’s pained and left in agony and he longs for zhengting even when he just saw him a few moments ago. it’s too frustrating and confusing and he’s so annoyed by it, wants to know what all of this means but is scared to figure out what it really is.

 

but once again, he leaves it be. giving every ounce of his trust to faith or anything out there to help him figure out what really is going on.

  
  
  
  


xukun wakes up on yet another weekend and decides not to jog this time, in his defense he exercises enough to not need this extensive workout and besides he has more things to do like prepare food for the two of them or clean up the house somehow (even though he’s fully aware that the place is ridiculously spotless thanks to zhengting’s obsession with cleanliness). he never is one to feel too welcomed that he wouldn’t feel obliged to help in any way, he still feels the sense of responsibility and the fact that his friend is the one he’s staying at gives him another level of guilt if he doesn’t give even a few helping hands.

 

all is well, he opens up the door silently to not disturb what he assumes is a sleeping zhengting just across his, planned to swiftly maneuver himself to the kitchen but one  _ thing _ caught his attention.

 

or a certain some _ one _ .

 

that he thought was asleep is actually fully awake and appears to be sketching  _ him _ .

 

xukun’s mind is going blank and there are thousands of thoughts swimming around his mind and he’s trying to find the more rational reason as to why zhengting is sketching him, and not just him but him and… topless.

 

his mouth is experiencing major drought and he’s trying to swallow spit but he unfortunately found none.

 

it’s just stupid that zhengting’s too engrossed on what he’s doing that he doesn’t even notice xukun the whole time, wide eyes scanning through every detail, fingers swiping to rub the shading and eraser coming up to delete the faults to make the portrait more breathtaking. xukun can’t even believe he can reach that level of ethereality but zhengting’s imagination and artistic abilities left him too speechless he can’t bring himself to stop the older from what he’s doing and tell him that the one he’s sketching on a large expanse of paper is currently standing behind him with the look of amazement.

 

zhengting starts to spin around his seat and in xukun’s haste to hide he managed to topple over a plastic cup that is somewhat heavy from atop an island he once rested his hand on, unto the floor. zhengting hears and practically screeches when he sees xukun and xukun looking like he’s a deer caught in headlights and sends a very timid and excessively awkward wave and a shaking  _ hi? _

 

“d-did you-”

 

“yes i did but zheng-”

 

“oh oh my… god i can’t believe this, kun i can explai-”

 

“no zheng! it’s fine,” zhengting pauses from his rambling and fully faces xukun with his blushed covered cheeks and tired eyes, “it’s actually stunning. well i’m not calling myself stunning but the drawing is so…” 

 

“i- uhm-”

 

xukun, being high off the sudden emotions bursting through his chest early in the morning suddenly gains a lot of confidence to manage to give a short suggestion to zhengting, “how come you’re sketching me using your imagination when you can ask to see the real thing?”

 

the deeper shade that enveloped zhengting’s cheeks in any other instances might have made xukun laugh but right now, he’s too awestruck with how pretty zhengting can look with pink-dusted cheeks and a mouth barely hanging open. zhengting looks away and clears his throat wiping on his philtrum while continuously blinking maybe thinking if he should just make a run for it or say anything stupid to distract the other but instead uses a plain, “i-  well…”

 

xukun smirks visibly that zhengting wants to slap him but the older resists the urge, ‘i’ll take that as a yes.”

 

a few more minutes and a lot of calming down on zhengting’s part they manage to fit into the quiet atmosphere after zhengting instructs him on how to pose and what his expression should be. 

 

zhengting might’ve blanked out a few times because  _ holy shit xukun is actually agreeing to be my muse _ and every little coherent thoughts flew out of the window once he picks up his pencil.

 

but, 

 

he forgot to tell xukun to remove his shirt and… he doesn’t know how to ask without looking like a dumb, thirsty guy in his early twenties.

 

“could- could you-” he doesn’t know how to phrase up such an absurd questions so he frantically juts down his index finger, making zig-zags and diagonals to illustrate that he wants xukun’s shirt  _ off _ .

 

“could i what, zheng?”

 

_ oh, you ass. _

 

“kun, don’t make me say it!”

 

“say what? i don’t know what you’re talking about?” xukun rests his chin on his palms that he formed into a v-shape, he shoots bambi eyes that almost made zhengting puke but he can’t deny that cute actually works for xukun even though he’s a real-life walking slender man with muscles.

 

“you can choke!”

 

xukun throws him a look that shows how much he’s offended with what the other said but zhengting couldn’t find it in himself to care. they stared at each other hard until zhengting’s too flustered that he sighs and xukun knows he already won.

 

“could you…  _ takeyourshirtoff? _ ”

 

xukun rolls his eyes, yes he understands but zhengting could do a better job than that, “louder sweetie and say the words clearer,”

 

“asshole!” zhengting exclaims and xukun snickers. the older breathes in slowly and blurts out: “could you  _ please  _ take your shirt off?”

 

zhengting clears his throat and focuses on the sketch he’s trying to work on but as soon as xukun’s shirt was halfway off, his mind suddenly went on overdrive.

 

_ why  _ did he look? he could have just averted his gaze somewhere else but he didn’t, he shifted his eyes right when xukun bared his torso and zhengting just… he subtly fans over himself and inhales too sharply and he looks away, suddenly it’s too hot inside the living room, feels like he’s inside a burning pit. he should have been literally inside one rather than looking this flustered and embarrassed just because his best friend is halfly naked in front of him. 

 

_ good god, help him _ .

 

and it’s not even funny when xukun is smugly looking at him when all zhengting ever wanted to do is wipe that expression off of him. 

 

the younger poses once more and they fell into mutual silence, zhengting focusing too much on detail and xukun only realizing that he’s going to be stuck on the same position for a while.

 

yes, zhengting is paying  _ way  _ too much attention to detail, but can’t really help it. zhengting’s mind slowly deteriorates as he sketches further downwards, from muscly broad shoulders to pectorals, to sweat dripping down the well-defined abdomen of the boxer until the lines that over lapped and became in-parallel and turn into a v-shape continuing further down until it disappears inside the track pants of xukun. he couldn’t even imagine what it would look like down there but he didn’t say that he was thinking of it. he… wasn’t.

 

almost an hour have passed and both of their muscles were aching, xukun having to stay in one specific angle for the entirety of the time and zhengting having to crouch down in an angle where he could sketch better, his stool beginning to feel very uncomfortable and he can’t feel his ass anymore.

 

but thankfully, zhengting actually works hard that it’s only a few more details so he tells xukun that he should rest for a while since he’ll be adding the final touches to the piece. xukun scurries to stand up but didn’t bother to put his shirt on which didn’t go unnoticed by the older and didn’t help decrease the intensity between the two. zhengting just felt too awkward and he swallows dryly that he wants to laugh at himself.

 

first of all, what kind of dumbass would sketch the person that is only a few meters away from him knowing that, that said person could possibly walk in and witness the horrifc and that is zhengting taking interest on his looks and had the audicity to draw him topless, drawing his six pack through imagination and actually nailing at that. 

 

zhengting is quite dumb, with two braincells that actually work most of the time. yes, it’s a fact. he’s  _ dumb _ .

 

so, knowing that he is rather shallow and very much oblivious to most things, he forgets that there’s another person in the room as he continues to add more detail into the piece he’s been working on, he actually feels great, haven’t had the perfect muse that really took his breath away, and xukun being the most playful he’s ever been in a while, tries to sneak up on the elder whilst the other’s distracted and rests both his hands on either side of zhengting’s waist. 

 

zhengting visibly flinches and xukun snickers but doesn’t let go, “kun, wha-”

 

xukun shuts him up when the younger bites him on the earlobe. zhengting gasps and is confused on why the younger did that but he didn’t voice out the question, and thank god he didn’t because xukun wouldn’t know what to reply. he doesn’t know the reason why he did it either.

 

zhengting’s ears are pretty he guesses? that might have been it but biting it would be very questionable behavior and he would have died if he did it to zhengting on a different ocassion so he’s somewhat lucky that today’s not the day he’ll be stabbed.

 

zhengting opens his mouth but xukun experimentally tries the motion again and bites the olders earlobe once more but the second time is a lot longer, bite not too quick and teeth grasping onto the lobe softly and tugging on it, 

 

xukun might’ve gone crazy when zhengting accidentally moans.

 

or  _ something _ did.

 

so he lets go of the older and sees zhengting too flustered that he might get a fever since his cheeks were too warm for his own liking. too embarassed to look at the younger’s face and xukun clears his throat and excuses himself out, saying that he ‘has something to do, you know, boxing and… stuff,’ and zhengting is left alone in the living room with a pencil in hand and chest stuttering.

 

zhengting fucked up.

  
  
  
  
  
  


and he’s absolutely turned on.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter: @xukuntops ♡


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